Body Image and Graphics

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I like what I see but sometimes I don’t. About a year ago I would only feel comfortable speaking about body image in a general sense, but not when it included speaking about myself and my body. I just didn’t like the way I looked, I still don’t but I just tolerate it. I feel like I’m too thin, I always say I would like to have ‘a bit more presence to myself’. The question is always; ‘why?’ ‘Why can’t I fit into this’.  I avoid wearing t-shirts, the only reason why you’ll see me in a t-shirt in summer is because it’s not logical  for me to wear a jumper, but I would never wear shorts. I’m thin so I like fitted clothes, because when it’s too baggy it looks like a hand me down. Aunty’s make you feel like you’re content with the way you are and that you being content is a problem, the way you look is a problem, being slim is a problem. The assumption straight away is that you’re not eating;  they go from constantly asking you ‘why aren’t you eating?’, to jokingly assuming that your parents aren’t feeding you. There have been occasions where I’ve gotten angry and said things in retaliation. When I show anger it’s because I already know what I look like, stop reminding me, you make it seem like there aren’t mirrors around my house or windows that reflect my image, and you know that I know yet you keep reminding me. Other times you have no choice but to laugh it off because of the person that’s saying it. When I laugh it off its because I’m tired, tired of trying to get my point across, tired of telling you to shut up, I’m trying to keep peace and not flip out, and I just can’t be bothered to address it. Now I can wear t-shirts. I didn’t talk my self into it, I just had to do it one day, no pep talk no nothing, I just put it on and left without trying to think too hard about it. I’ve shifted my focus, so now when my body is brought up in conversation my initial response is no longer anger. Instead I remind myself that I can still see, walk, talk and carry out tasks. My body is fully functioning and it’s image doesn’t hinder anything that I’m currently doing. Improving general health is the main thing for me. I would advise anyone who isn’t comfortable with their body to focus on what is right with them. I’m a graphic designer and I’ve been asked a few times to alter people’s bodies with photoshop; make the waist slimmer, hips wider and arms slimmer. I don’t do it because number one; it takes forever to learn and number two; it’s not necessary. Don’t expect to find yourself, self love or happiness in what you look like straight away, it’s a very long process. For some people it comes quicker than most but the general consensus is that it will take some time and if you’re willing to wait the benefits of it are far more rewarding than the benefits that come from digitally changing yourself. 

As a freelance graphic designer sometimes the workload can be crazy, when it’s weighty I close myself off so I can get it done. The isolation allows me to be a better creative because i get to focus more on the creation. Before it was just general brain storming but now it’s getting into a rabbit hole, and thinking about different and better ways to do things. I do speak to people, it’s not like when people reach out to me I tell them to “go away”, it’s just when I want to be in my zone, I want to be in my zone but if you need to speak to me you need to speak to me. As much as I would like to be in my zone, you also need to speak to me, you can’t be too selfish. I don’t focus on who’s supporting or promoting my work, that eats away at the actual creating time. I do what I do because I enjoy it, not for attention.

I’ve learnt a few things from graphics that can be applied to life. Sometimes I’ll spend hours editing a project and as soon as I’m about to finish, my laptop crashes. Before I would get so mad, but now if that happens I just start again without thinking about it. Forwards ever, backwards never. When stuff stops going your way stay calm and work through it. Another thing I’ve learnt is that you have to experiment. Experimenting is not just thinking outside the box, it’s being open to making mistakes. There have been projects I’ve worked on that came out really good and were a result of me continually pressing the ‘wrong’ buttons. If you have a rigid plan to things and insist on sticking to the plan all the time, that’s the only result you’ll ever get. Fair enough it’s your style but when you rigidly stick to it you’ll only get so far. Sometimes because things are and have been working for you for so long you see no point in changing your approach. Don’t wait for something to go wrong and be forced into then changing your approach, try different things out now on your own accord. 

And lastly, you will not please everyone. You’ll get to a point where you’ll be on a roll where everything you make everyone will like it. Then you’ll get that one client, and everything you make they just don’t fuck with it, and now you’re stuck and don’t know how to handle it. I’m grateful for the times when people don’t really fuck with my work or people don’t like what I’ve made for them and then we finally get there because it prepares you for more people like that. Similarly some people like my body some people don’t, coming across people who don’t prepares me for more people who won’t. It builds character.