I had a good conversation with one of my mates, and he came up with six ways he feels you can be better at being there for a person;
- Don’t approach the problem that you think is at hand
Refrain from asking questions like “how are you feeling?”, when it’s already very clear that something’s wrong, you’ll make the person feel worse. Instead, take initiative and try to find a way to change how they feel. For example, when I knew my friend was feeling low and tired of life, I offered him opportunities that made his life more enjoyable.
2. Don’t try to diagnose the person
A lot of the time when a person expresses how they feel, people are too quick to ask questions like; “do you feel depressed?”. Look at how they say they feel rather than trying to offer them how they feel, especially when you’re not a professional.
3. Try and understand the pace the person’s working at
Sometimes you just don’t feel like talking about it, and you just want to go through whatever it is that you’re going through. Try and understand the pace the person is working at. People think you not wanting to talk about something is you avoiding the situation, na, I just don’t wanna talk about it today, that’s just how I feel. Imagine if someones grieving and you just keep asking “how do you feel?”, what can I actually say to you? Are you going to be able to fully understand my pain and take it from me?
4. Its not your words it’s your actions
Nobody wants to hear “you’ll be alright” or “with time it’ll all get better”. Offer them a bit of your energy to show them that they can feel better today than they did yesterday.
5. “I’m here for you, you can message me whenever you want to talk”
You saying “I’m here for you, you can message me whenever you want to talk” is not you being there for me. So many other people have said the exact same thing, I won’t remember you saying that, what I will remember is seeing you be there. If you’re here for me I shouldn’t have to go out of my way to have you there, I should see you there, I should feel like you’re there.
6. Don’t worry about who else seems to be there
For instance, when you’re in a group job interview you ensure that the party who is most important knows that you’re there, regardless of how many other people are also there. Don’t worry about who else seems to be there for the person or how other people will react to you trying to be there for them, because you’re here for them. A lot of people who want to be there for people take a step back and think ‘they’ve got so and so there’, it doesn’t matter, what matters is if YOU are also willing to step forward and be there for the person too.
3yamind 
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